(mis)adventures in dating, episode 1

definitely not a HOW TO guide, as i’m sure i still have infinite things to learn, but various points of reflection.

FIRST, two couple-esque things that i wanted to post.  think about it like thinspo/inspiration. 

1)  a penny arcade esque comic:

I assume this is what would be the problem for my fellow Dragonborns this coming Valentine’s day. My suggestion is to increase your “stamina” to avoid “exhaustion” during the incoming night battle. *high five*

Bless my wife for being so understanding and for putting up with my antics. I love her so much.

nerdy and cute and wonderful. hope to find someone like that. [escaworks]

2) from another couple that ostensibly does know who i am, but ahem, not really.  facebook update:

  Vegan dinner and Twilight movie for Valentine’s. Yet still not as gay as I am for [my boyfriend]. Love you baby

toes the “INCREDIBLY CUTE” yet “NOT CORNY” quite well.  and bro-y?


DATING FRAMEWORK.  via angeles.

in order for two people to get together, there need to be three things:

1) chemistry
2) compatibility
3) circumstance

circumstance (aka timing) is such a bitch.  or chemistry!? 

i’m actually always impressed by how well this framework works.  a lot of frameworks, there are tons of fringe cases that i have to force into various categories, but this just WORKS.  like a knife cutting through butter.

THEY ALSO ALL START WITH THE SAME LETTER, which makes any framework 30% better.


can i preface this with a “ugh, this is NOT NOVEL”.  WHEW, got it out of your system for you. 

1) never gets old.  i hate how rejection never gets easier (MUCH LIKE JOB HUNTING).  impossible not to take it personally, not to feel a little bit more unmotivated, not to think that there’s something wrong with you, not to wonder whether things will actually pan out in the end for you.  not to suffer that depression when all your happily-ever-after fantasies come crashing down and knowing that you have to go pull the slot machine lever again.

“live to fight another day”.  my rallying mantra. 

2) you never know.

angeles was coaching me through something one day, and she said the following: (paraphrased)

you know what i realized?  the ONLY PERSON to know what the other person is thinking is the OTHER PERSON.  we will NEVER KNOW what the other person is thinking.  i used to drive myself crazy trying to figure out what the person was thinking, but it’s just SO POINTLESS.  we assume so many things, but sometimes you just have to sit down and ASK THEM what they’re thinking and how they feel. 

fairly general, and i think it applies to a lot of contexts, but especially in dating. 

in dating, things can often seem mutual when they are one-sided. 

definitely have been guilty of acting more affectionate that i’m actually feeling.  it’s a fine line between “you don’t want to lead them on” and “maybe things will get better, don’t be a jerk about it”.  i was really honest with chris when we were first dating, but part of him definitely resented me for not liking him as much as vice versa, and it always kept him much more on edge.  anyway, long story short, i think there are situations when it makes sense for both parties when everyone fakes affection.  okay, flame away. 

definitely been on the other side as well.  if anything, dating has just wreaked havoc on my confidence in my ability to read people.  “but he said/did/wrote this!!!!!  how could he not be interested WHEN HE DID THAT?!?!?!?!?” blindsides!  it’s like my very own reality tv show.

3) benefit of [the] doubt.

jess: you always see the worst in people!
nick: yeah, because people are the worst!

i really like nick.  really rooting for jess and nick. 

this phrase is actually from patrick.  i think it’s really easy to be bitter, but (to borrow an angeles word) i have become a lot more zen from giving everyone the benefit of the doubt. 

nobody is actually trying to intentionally make you feel bad, and even when they do make you feel bad for the purposes of self-interest, can you really fault them for that?  we’re just all trying to make our way through this lonely world in one piece.  and people aren’t the worst.  or we’re all equally bad? 

4) only gay friends.  should i only be making gay friends at this point?  meeting straight people seems so pointless/such a chore these days.  UGH BEGRUDGINGLY BEING NICE TO STRAIGHT PEOPLE.

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