valentine’s day, an off-the-cuff year-in-review

The worst resolution to the Valentine Prisoner's Dilemma when YOU decide not to give your partner a present but your PARTNER decides to testify against you in the armed robbery case.

fed valentines and here (via dave)

Audit my heart #FedValentines

I’d like to borrow you overnight and then hold you to maturity. #FedValentines

You’re a systemic risk… to my heart.#FedValentines

The non-traditional stimulus was way better than I thought it would be. #FedValentines

Being with you hikes my pulse by several basis points #FedValentines


i know, valentine’s day is a really bizarre day to choose to reflect on events transpired over the course of a year.  whatever.

i was talking to a friend, and he was saying all the things that had happened in his last year.  pretty fucking crazy.

  • he came out
  • he had his first boyfriend, fell in love for the first time
  • broke up with his boyfriend
  • moved to a different continent that spoke a different language and moved back
  • moved to SF and picked up a new job

my (also, relatively epic, if not personally most epic) year in review, highlights:

  • felt the pain of heartbreak for the first time (feel free to snicker)
  • gaywakening (christof, badlands, cafe, fresh, gay friends)
  • workout kick, including tough mudder, half marathon, rock climbing
  • gained and lost two of my closest friends
  • had a non trivial relationship that ended

anyway, as i like to mention, i also concurrently blog/record my life using ohlife, and this weekend, it sent me the following email: (i fully own how teenage girl-y this sounds.  what is life without moments of being a teenage girl.  not to mention ANYONE WHO READS THIS BLOG ALREADY KNOWS THAT I AM A TEENAGE GIRL)

Just reply to this email with your entry.

Oh snap, remember this? One year ago you wrote…

Work started off with meeting up with the [vendor] team.  They were plenty nice, despite them trying to find errors in my report.  However, they were unsuccessful, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief.  Later, the afternoon consisted of on again, off again stresses, including trying to get out these CCF reports and turning in my VEE grade requests.  I was just really relieved that the meeting was over so that I could just focus on Jared.  After work, went with Sean and Jose to McDonalds to get some nuggets and grabbed a beer and a jagershot afterward.  Afterward, went to Tina’s, where I was able to play with her adorable, adorable cat Cecil, and lose to Sean and Jose in beer pong (I didn’t do embarrassingly poorly, so that was a big win).  Finally, we played Salad Bowl with dirty words, which was fun and involved a lot of screaming and crossing lines with coworkers.  Afterward, met up with Wendy and Dexter and had a rushed dinner at Little Delhi.  Came back and changed and got ready for my date with Jared.  Of course, he was running late and I was worried he was going to be a no show.  However, he called and mentioned that he was coming later.  We went to Chow, where he grabbed dinner, and we headed out to grab some drinks at a local gay bro-feeling bar, where we had a run in with a UCSF med school prof.  Finally, went to the Cafe and danced and grabbed a drink.  Walked back to his car, wandered through the Mission at night, and drove back to my place.  I invited him in, and he consented.  We then proceeded to hook up, and he headed out around 4AM.  This was, by far, probably one of the best nights of my life.  He was a lot of fun to talk to, was absolutely beautiful with the most incredible smile ever, and I felt that he was into me.  His smile kills me, the way he held my hand on the way to the car and kissed it.  That also killed me.  We talked about the standard first date questions, improv, special ed, coming out, parents/family, goals, friends, etc.  Parried a question about baseball.  Cuddling with him was awesome, making out with him was awesome.  The crowning moment of the night was hearing Angeles and Wendy getting back.  As they were heading out, Angeles saw that my door was ajar and wanted to say hi.  However, I had just left for a moment to go to the bathroom at that exact moment, and Jared was in his underwear.  Apparently they sort of ran out, but Jared beckoned them in and they introduced each other; they apologized, Jared said something along the lines of “no worries, it’s okay, you came in at the end”.  And they finally got to experience the Jared Smile.  He needs to patent that shit.  So in love, I just need to make sure that I don’t scare him off.  He mentioned meeting up again, but sort of waffled.  Fuck. 

james, you are so ridiculous.  anyway, full circle.  [second full circle, he was driving me back from san mateo, and the car next to us was blasting “rolling in the deep”, which i didn’t know at the time.  “they’re playing my girl, adele!!!!” exactly one year.]

hey dude,

I JUST WANTED TO wish you a happy valentine’s day. and hope that you have your second non-drama-laden valentine’s day of your life, potentially spent with a guy this time around 🙂 [backstory being he had his first non dramatic v-day last year, where he had a dinner date with his close female friend]

anyway! i appreciate you being a good sport about all this, promise this will be my last unsolicited message. i know i’ve been…. dogged? let’s go with that.

see you around, jared 🙂 (hahaha, okay, not in a stalker way, just in a …serendipitous, “MAN, LIFE!” sort of way. or something. sure)


Dave: okay, over it
as james would say

Dave:  i just wanted to use the word
i didn’t really make a meaningful sentence out of it
is gestalt going to become part of your vernacular?!
along with jerk
and ugh
and toxic
and gaywakening
and soundbyte
and epic
me:  soundbyte?!
Dave:  and debrief
me:  oh, i do love debrief
okay, i will institute gestalt into my vernacular
Dave:  and coraline?
i give up
me:  that is my favorite vernacular phrase
Dave:  and LCE
and DC
me:  hhahaha

UPDATE: TC: In Love, We Are All Teenage Girls (No Offense To Teenage Girls) obligatory

You don’t see beyond the moment you’re in, initials drawn inside hearts. Plus signs a handmade wedding ring. You swoon. You say I love you even when you don’t mean I love you. You substitute I love you for everything you can’t say. You don’t think about the things you can’t say, because you are too busy saying I love you.


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