to old friends and new mario parties

during the mochi toast on 12/27/11 with john, anna, and nick at 2AM after a rousing game of mario party 8 (don’t worry, i represented gaymers well and dominated).  it was great seeing them.  (and eating and cooking and drinking and mario partying and yelling and driving, etc.) just wanted to post some thoughts from my winter break.  heigh ho!

one liners from nick.  i honestly i have no idea how these will stand the test of time, but everyone here knows that nick is my favorite, and he just had a couple of really great zingers, and i’m fairly, fairly sure that these are very “YOU HAD TO BE THERE” lines, but i just wanted to capture them.

If there were a genre of questions that would be James’s favorite, it would be questions that appear innocuous but are, in fact, deeply personal.

[to anna, after my pointing out that her keychain was absolutely ridiculous, with a small tennis ball and small padlock and several keys]
Did you just say everything on that keychain is absolutely necessary??

[describing the above comic, which i was 70% sure was going to be a story that would crash and burn but he was able to pull it off successfully and people laughed]
And then there’s this fucking automaton with carnage everywhere, and he goes [italian accent] “oh gino, you worry too much.”

[on trevor, who was going to write 3 separate roommate wanted ads (professional/normal, fratboy, and normal with a hint of really crazy) as an experiment]
If you’re going to invest this much effort, you might as well blog about this. 

[on where to hide during a zombie attack]
Clearly, you should hide on an island.  I mean, what is a zombie going to say?!  “Let’s go swimming”!??!  Zombies aren’t explorers!!

[after we revealed that when anna was describing her cookies, we thought that the cookies were called kahlua, chlamydia, and caligula]
I love how everyone heard something totally different.  We hear what we want to hear.  

I don’t know why “corrupted” is always such a bad thing.  Getting corrupted just means having an expanded mindset.  

[on not understanding why a house would choose to have a huge lawn]
I mean, once you get a large enough lawn, you get to call it “the grounds.”

what happens if you just didn’t care about anything.  by the end of break, i was really distracted by things (mostly gay stuff) and had honestly spent a bit too much time with family that i didn’t really know what to talk about.  and it just got to the point where i would just be in these conversations and just have literally zero interest in anything they had to say, but had to carry through the motions of a conversation, which was incredibly exhausting. 

it just made me realize… what happens if you legitimately didn’t care what anyone had to say, ever?  there are definitely people like that. and you can’t be like “dude, just go TALK TO PEOPLE AND BE SOCIAL”.  anyway.  minor moment of empathy.  people just like different things. 

i feel this way about my mom (in the sense that i really don’t think she enjoys people’s company for extended periods of time EXCEPT FOR MINE AND MY SISTER’S) and one of my housemates (from his twitter: “You know what? I’m not making apologies anymore for being quiet. I just don’t want to talk to you. Leave me alone.”).  that is a tough situation.

pretentiousness. one of my friends who currently resides in DC made this snarky comment about the mass produced art at a local chain brunch place.  it made me realize how SF has made me super pretentious (within reason, i would hardly describe myself as pretentious) of things like chain restaurants and suburbs, in general.  like imagine making brunch plans at a chain restaurant in SF!  disaster.

new metric: average friend relationship length.  my hs group is not particularly relationshippy, i think?!  but for some reason, my two friends attending new years both decided to bring their +1’s, and the married couple came.  and i was successfully 7th wheeled, awesome, went well for the issues rolling around in my head.  i think i made some “jokes” that were construed as super passive aggressive comments, whoops. 

metric: average friend relationship length (AFRL): the average length of time each friend you have has been in their current relationship, if any.  sample calculation:

AFRL = (.25 (anna) + 1.1 (grant) + 8 + 8 (evan and lauren))/4 = 4.3 years

my SF AFRL is quite low, i think. 

one comment that slightly applies is when jim visited, he said that … he wasn’t frustrated, but could potentially see concerns going forward because his own RL is much higher than his AFRL (as in, he owns a house with his wife while his friends are still struggling to date people) and how this might impact social dynamics going forward, decision to have kids, etc.  

friends vs. family. this used to be a really hot topic on my mind, largely shelved. but getting my wisdom teeth out and spitting blood into the sink uncontrollably was one of those jarring wake up calls that there are certain things that family can do that friends generally cannot.  guilt for being in SF, bad asian son, etc etc. 

to quote my mom, “friends will come and go, but i will always be here.”

like if i were to do LASIK (which i did spent 12 hours over break REALLY WANTING TO DO), who would i get to wait on me for 48 hours? 

high school friends and life stages. hat-tip bradley, who was telling me about this idea that high school is unique in that it is incredibly easy to form “friend groups”, because you’re more or less stuck with them for a set amount of time every day for years.  college, less defined captive audience.  post-graduation: jungle. 

relationship/life stages. being back home made me exposed to people who weren’t just “single” or “young adult relationship” stage.  “divorced and looking”, “divorced and not looking”, “loveless marriage”, “bickering and maybe loving couple with a lot of weird baggage”, “parents with kids and non young adult concerns”, “grandparents/widows”.  can’t say that i’m superrr excited. 

high school complex.  going back to high school made me realize that…. i still have this lingering complex where i’m this nerdy kid and willing to give it all up to be one of the cool kids, where all i want to do is be accepted by them. it’s driving several of the spheres of my life right now (specifically romantic relationships and this vanity/physical push) in a perhaps unhealthy, perhaps only-getting-stronger way.  i mean, the moment i start psychoanalyzing myself i just start going in circles, but i don’t know if this is something that i need to work through and just “get out of my system” or if it’s something that ultimately would make me happier if i became more “like that” or something that i should just ignore.  3 paths, struggling to choose one.  which will be a theme going into 2012 resolutions.  (to be clear, i’m not especially concerned about it now…. but just wanted to note it.)

two stories.  i love how you meet people/care about people in one specific context and time passes and everything changes, but you still really care about them. 

  • there’s this guy who we always thought he watched a lot of anime.  he swears that he never watched any anime, but i’m convinced that he did.  one of those guys who spent a lot of time in his room studying/watching tv/reading and only ate tortilla chips.  don’t get me wrong, i think he’s hilarious and interesting and a really good guy, but he was always … i don’t know, maybe never reached his full potential socially?  anyway, he met a girl, as these go, and he has become… really awesome?!  awesome is not necessarily the right word.  is there something wrong with being an otaku?  anyway, he is now a bro.  so if otaku=lame, and bro=awesome, then he is super awesome now.  and i have a tendency to build people up in my mind, but he is now really built and really outgoing and watches sports with friends and goes to gay bars and eats everything and makes out with girls on dance floors.  night and day.
  • there’s this guy who had mentioned to me that he was attracted to guys and then proceeded to date a girl.  which is fine, he roughly labels himself as bi (which i believe in, for the record), and we had never really caught up with about sexuality or his relationship with this girl or his pretty serious personality transition!  headlines are that he’s a lot more chill and… more focused on the quality of relationships?  is that fair?  it’s not particularly fair trying to compare a fairly fuzzy impression of him from the past with a 3 hour brunch/coffee date.  ANYWAY, the story that i found really compelling that i wanted to share was from his breakup with this girl.  basically they were together for years, and she basically became really distant and then broke up with him without reason, and went to go live with this other dude.  how is this at all acceptable behavior?  in general, i’ve become a lot more tolerant of different views/behaviors, but … doesn’t that relationship history deserve giving the other person an explanation?  or maybe it’s healthier this way.  in any case, it’s shockingly similar to another multi-year relationship breakup story that i heard. 

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