when are people inclined to change the most? how do you motivate lasting life changes?
i brought this up with michael/susan when they visited. bottom line is, i think it’s very difficult to create any significant change in your life. i have no good answer to this. hannah mentioned a phd project she heard about at college, which was, why is it that it’s so hard to change things we HATE about ourselves. shouldn’t that hatred be sufficient motivation?
michael says that people change the most when they 1) start a relationship, and 2) end a relationship, which i thought was an interesting idea. i originally would have said “environmental shifts” e.g., college, job, moving, new friends, etc. but i think michael’s theory may be more accurate?
the above question is a variant of “what do you perceive as being the most formidable (aka most life-influencing) period/event of your life”, to which i used to respond “college”. but now would respond “gaywakening”, maybe?! i don’t know. will deal with this in future blog entry.
life dashboard – january 2012
where i determine what is important in my life, evaluate my performance/satisfaction in those spheres (graded out of 4), and set new goals for those items going forward.
relationship (30%; ♦♦♦)
What’s happening: The last quarter has been both incredibly exciting (gaywakening, Castro, gay friends) and incredibly confusing (How do I fit in? What do I want?). Finally got over Sean. Unfortunately could not make things work with AJ or Dave.
Goals: Continue to be introspective and try to figure out what you want. In the meantime, take things as they come and not to overcomplicate.
health (25%; ♦♦♦♦)
What’s happening: Successfully completed Half Marathon under my time goal (1:42). Still really inspired to continue to hit new fitness goals and pursue vanity goals.
Goals: 10+ mile runs every 2 weeks, 3 days of paleo/week, max 1 day of binge drinking/week, do the rock climbing/circus school groupons, schedule HBFS #2
friendship (20%; ♦♦♦)
What’s happening: Mixed feelings (sadness, anger, apathy) about Mark and Wendy. Getting closer to Angeles. Befriended a couple of gay people that I would like to pursue. Otherwise, social schedule became absolutely unsustainable and was quite fatigued.
Goals: Quality over quantity. Reduce number of people I’m pursuing.
job (15%; ♦♦)
What’s happening: Work has gotten less busy lately, which has not helped the productivity at work.
Goals: Mid-term assessment by February, finish Modules by April. Less multitasking at work.
family (5%; ♦♦)
What’s happening: Family life is okay. I’ve accepted that things sort of won’t change, and I should just make the most of the current situation.
Goals: Call mom at least once every two days.
home life (5%; ♦♦♦♦)
What’s happening: Things have hit a really nice rhythm and feel. Really love the living situation.
i introduced a portion called “happiness factors”. there’s basically a bajillion essays on happiness psychology these days, but this framework i came across is consistent with most of them and “good enough”. ideally, you should be trying to maximize each of these factors. pleasure (short term happiness/momentary happiness), purpose (like your life has meaning), and engagement (whether you’re engaged in a task and fully concentrating on it). levers are, of course, the above spheres.
friend inventory – january 2012
i know i haven’t done my friendship tier blog entry yet, but here you go. hope i didn’t miss anyone in tier 2. who reads the blog. if so, sorry. probably would be healthy to have more straight guy friends, but otherwise, huge jump in the number of gay guys on the list.
how did you meet sept 2011 goals. inspired by bristin!
- spend at least 1 day per week with gay people – yeah, i spend like a majority of my time with gay people now
- at least 1 week/two weeks – did go on several dates
- complete tough mudder – check
- training 4x/week – mmmm i think so, probably not every week
- 10 reps in divis up or shut up – success! 12 reps
- half marathon in under 1:45 – success! 1:42
- finish a 5K in under 22 min – did not do a 5K
- 50 pushups/15 pullups – check
- run shirtless down the embarcadero – with bristin!!!!
- continue friendships – sorta?
- develop new ones as necessary – lots of new (gay) friends
- don’t feel lonely – umm, would feel like this sporadically, but certainly not due to want of platonic interactions
- meet mid-way assessment by 2012 – big fat fail on this one
- improve consulting/actuary skills – not really
- house event once/month – success! house dinner (oct), movie night (nov), house party (dec)
- don’t make mom cry – not….. directly….