7 reasons why it’s awesome being gay

like the seo-optimized entry title?  wordpress actually has a surprisingly comprehensive tracking/analytics summary; fun fact: about half of the google searches that land readers on my blog find it via a maleminded query.  and he has very, very culty/stalky followers (me included, don’t worry). 

entry also inspired by a conversation with dave.  i think i was maybe talking about the difficulties of being gay, and dave was like “hey, there are benefits of being gay, too!” which i found somewhat dubious.  however, after discussing with dave, informally polling gay friends, reflecting on my own personal experiences, and doing some web searches (though most are somewhat offensive/play on stereotypes like this one), may i present the 7 reasons why i think it’s better being gay: (generalizations galore)

1) no mars/venus dynamic.  not to say that a male/female dynamic doesn’t have its unique set of advantages, but it’s nice to date someone of your own gender.  and i know i’m speaking very broadly now on “the differences between men and women”, but with male/male or female/female pairings, there is higher potential for, say, similar interests.  or, emotionally, how many times do you hear “oh, guys don’t get girls” or vice versa.  or how “men want X when women want Y”, which can potentially lead to relationship stress. more likely to be on the same wavelength if you date someone of your same gender. 

infinite practice?

2) gay clubbing is way better than straight clubbing.


just kidding.  umm i never really thought about this until sam brought it up, but…. straight clubbing definitely leaves something to be desired with respect to meeting people.  like think about how many times you go clubbing and how many times you meet someone new.  how hard it is for guys to talk to girls without seeming like a creep.  how in general, people just stay very silo-ed in their friend group.  i think people are just in general a bit more forward and friendly at gay clubs.  like i’ve probably met over half of my gay friends at clubs (usually friends of friends).   

sam made this comment that people just seem so unhappy at straight clubs.  which i think is …. somewhat unfair, and not to say that everyone is having fun at gay clubs either.  (and not to say that gay clubbing doesn’t have a unique set of problems as well)

okay, fine, gogo dancers don’t hurt.

eye contact, it’s like a gay handshake

3) you don’t have to adhere to gender norms.  wendy always likes to joke that i play the gay card when i don’t want to “guy stuff” and play the guy card when i don’t want to do “girl stuff”. 

not to say that straight people have to adhere to gender norms or that they wish they didn’t have to adhere to gender norms, but a cross section of things that i happily don’t feel any pressure to care about: SPORTS, wearing lululemon, drinking cocktails or light beer, being sensitive/having feelings, saying things that don’t make me sound like a bro.

4) easier to make friends with straight people. via dave; not sure if i totally buy it, but the argument is that straight people, especially straight guys, are much more likely to open up and let their guard down with gay guys than straight guys.  straight girls arguably would open up more if they want a guy’s input with someone whose relationship will not be complicated by romantic interests.

5) the coming out experience.  universally terrible, but because of it, also empowering?  what is life without epic, life-defining experiences?  forces you to really understand yourself and live life thoughtfully. 

i never would have called myself brave before today 

6) learning what it’s like to be in the minority. via patrick; to know what it feels like when a majority of people don’t approve of you gives you certain grounds for empathy that you wouldn’t be able to get otherwise?

7) locker room?  is this totally inappropriate?  i mean, this is why don’t ask don’t tell existed for such a long time, right?  let’s not ignore the elephant in the room.  (i mean, it’s really a poor man’s substitute for porn though, let’s be real)


4 thoughts on “7 reasons why it’s awesome being gay

  1. Patrick says:

    a very nice list. 🙂

  2. and you don’t have to deal with women! 🙂

  3. […] one of the things that i’ve always said is the best part about being gay is that you start asking the question: how dare anyone tell you who you should and should not love.  how dare they think that they know you better than yourself.  how dare they impose their own beliefs for what makes a good significant other on you.  how dare they ask you to choose a significant other who would make them happier instead of you.  especially coming from my mom’s siblings; my mom is divorced, the aunt in question is on terrible terms with her husband, so many of my aunts and uncles are in loveless relationships or relationships that have teetered in divorce and abusive relationships and infidelity, do they not understand how difficult it is to find someone who is a good match, how important it is?  why are they still steeped in ancient beliefs on what makes a good significant other?  you are the one who can best determine who is a good match for you, and the idea that anyone else can tell you that you are wrong is an idiot and should shut the fuck up.   […]

  4. phenothebest says:

    for what it’s worth, I think your journey makes you more mature, James. 🙂
    definitely helped you become the “most improved cousin”! hahaha

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