SIPs – james

*statistically improbable phrases

doug (verb) – when you are following someone/not leaving their side and won’t leave them alone.  they are trying to shake you, but you are being obstinate and generally not picking up on any hints.

origin: ahem, random person who wouldn’t stop dougging at run club.  first usage below (coined by mark). 

“Am I dougging you?  Let me know if I’m dougging you.”

to be fair (prepositional phrase) – you can start any controversial statement with this prepositional phrase, and it makes the statement okay!  very similar to starting off a question with “in a certain light”

“To be fair, you shouldn’t have been an asshole to begin with.”
”In a certain light, isn’t the fact that someone got trampled pretty exciting?”
”In a certain light, wouldn’t falling in love during a zombie attack be really romantic?”

benefriends (noun) – a variant of “friends with benefits”, but without the sexual benefits implication.  angeles (who also coined this word) has a theory that all friends are benefriends.  because if you are not deriving any benefits from the friend, why are you friends with them? 

common/”acceptable” benefits: you enjoy spending time with them, similar/shared interests (eg exercising, horror movies, shopping, little delhi)

less common/”not acceptable” benefits: access to gay network, (or any sort of network…. professional, money, friends with your crush, access to not easily accessible goods), because they have a car, etc. SEX, the obvious choice. 

“is it okay to befriend someone for not acceptable benefits”.  sure.  with reason.  but again, they wouldn’t be friends with you anyway, unless they were deriving something from the relationship as well.

okay, on second thought, is the only acceptable reason for befriending someone that you enjoy spending time with them?  like even a workout buddy would be like “oh…. you just enjoy exercising with me, but you don’t want to spend more time with me?…” “not acceptable” benefits are a little bit different because they are so much more one-sided.  except for sex.  but workout buddies, both people derive a clear benefit from that.  whereas the “not acceptable” category are clearly favors. 

do I do a good enough job providing benefits for my friends?  anyway.  will consider that. 

compelling (adjective) – when used to describe a person, a compelling person is one who you want to pursue.  I think. 

I overuse compelling because it is a nice catchall.  but isn’t that what we need in life?  because someone can be interesting/funny and you could not want to hang out with again, or vice versa.  because when you’re talking about your impressions of meeting someone, aren’t you most interested in how much you want to hang out with them again?  like I think that is the crux of the issue. 

okay, it’s late, I don’t really want to think about that question.  that’s how I’m going to justify absolutely egregious usage of the incredibly vague word. 

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