if my job were my lover

if my job were my lover

i’d sit in class all day, daydreaming how i could be improving the world.  how i would find that one job that would complete me.  i secretly type away at my computer, practicing, honing, learning, but i dare not tell anyone else.  but maybe one day it will matter.  what happens if someone were to find out that i have this secret passion?  i can just imagine them laughing at me; what a silly, pointless endeavor.

after college, if i don’t have a job, people will start worrying.  not worrying that i will be without shelter or food or insurance, but because i won’t be able to engage myself and apply myself in a way that makes the world a better place.  my mom asks “why haven’t you found a nice job yet?!” but it can’t just be any job, it has to be the perfect job, the job that is perfect for me.  i don’t care how much i make, what i have to do to get the job, how much everything thinks the job sucks–all i care about is how the job makes me feel.

but i find a job!  the first weeks are a whirlwind of learning how things work and how a connects to b and how to make shit happen.  but each day, things get easier and make more sense, and one day, i finally discover a rhythm, where things just make sense.  each day brings a greater amount of joy, the deeper understanding only makes it that much more satisfying.  everything just MAKES SENSE.  falls into place.

each day i look forward to waking up, i’m sad when i have to leave.  weekends are the worst.

eventually the day comes when i have to leave.  maybe i was fired,  maybe my company went under, leaving me to wander the streets aimlessly, confused, heartbroken.  how is this fair?  will i ever find another job quite like it?

if my lover were my job

how can i best put off dating?  gross.

but fine, the day comes when i finally have to decide exactly who i will date for the rest of my life.  what kind of person will i date?  what kinds of people like me the most?

fine, i choose you.  sometimes i dread going home.  fine, i dread going home a lot.

where do you live?  who do you know?  will you buy me dinner?  stop being so needy! i have my own life, you know.  what have you done for me lately?  i need more perks, more benefits.

breaking up sucks!..  but i found someone else with more money.  bye.

——

should we pick significant others the way we pick jobs?  should we pick jobs the way we pick significant others?

one provides sustenance; the other provides sex.

one provides purpose; the other provides pleasure.

one provides compensation; the other provides companionship.

we spend basically as much time with a job as with a significant other, yet our approaches toward each are radically different.  obviously there are reasons why our approaches are different, but at the very least, why do we not care how much we like our job but care so much about how much we like our significant other?  can we not derive a similar amount of joy from our job than from our relationship?  and why do we really only look at compatibility and desire when looking at significant others?  what about stability, maturity, how “together” the person is?  all those unsexy things.

between my vocation and my significant other, my fulfillment in life i feel will be largely determined by my relationship, maybe around 80%.  is this unhealthy?

for the people who do have jobs from which they derive an equal, if not greater, amount of pleasure, i am quite jealous.

for the people who do not have jobs from which they derive an equal, if not greater, amount of pleasure, i raise a glass to you.  cheers.

Joao Silva – This is What I Do, This is All That I Know

I don’t know if I have any words of wisdom. I went down doing what I have a passion for doing. The friends that I’ve lost, and there’s been more than one, they died doing what they had a passion for. It’s pretty difficult to argue with that. You haven’t died in an old-age home somewhere, rotting away — not that there’s anything wrong with that. But at least those guys died doing what they love doing. And I got injured doing what I love doing. I fully understood the consequences of what I was doing, and I was always prepared to accept them. And I have. I totally accept them.

inspiring in terms of his passion for the art.  (as well as his optimism/dedication toward life; his belief in the power of photography; his general badassed-ness, as described by gawker)

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